New Year, New Lessons: Stay Out of the Kitchen

After a rather long hiatus, I’m on a roll this week with posting. I decided to write try an entire week of “New Year” posts. (This also helps me meet my 500 words per day goal for the winter writing festival.)

Continuing on the New Year theme, today’s topic is New Lessons or Why I Should Stay Out of the Kitchen.

At this point, I’d like to clarify here that I’m not really learning “new” lessons per se. It’s more that I’m being reminded of things I already knew, but because of brain freezes, inattention, or just general stupidity on my part, I clearly needed a reminder.

Lesson 1: hot metal will melt plastic.

I realize that everyone over the age of at least 6 knows this. (There’s probably some 2 or 3-year olds that know this too. Like this genius prodigy 3-year old.) But I clearly needed a refresher in this lesson.

Earlier this week, I was baking some french fries. And instead of placing the hot pan on a trivet and using a spatula or other utensil to remove the fries from the pan, I held the pan at an angle, placing a corner of it on a plastic plate, and dumping the fries off that way.

The result: my plastic plate got a bit melty.

Lesson 2: hot temperatures will also warp plastic.

Again, I really do know this. But not thinking, today I left my plastic tray (that cost me an entire $2 at IKEA) sitting on top of the stove when I had something baking in the oven.

The result: my tray received a new warpy design

Luckily I realized what was happening before a disaster occurred.

Lesson 3: knives are sharp

Once again, something that everyone knows. But once again, I was not thinking.

I had purchased some bagels at the store that were unsliced. As I wanted to toast one, I got out a knife (because I don’t own a fancy bagel slicer). I used the bread knife, you know, the weirdly serrated ones like this:

I had the bagel on end slicing down, but the bagel started smushing down too. So, of course, I picked it up, holding it in my palm, and continued to slice down. Can you guess what happened?

The result: You guess it! I sliced right through the bagel to my palm.

It wasn’t deep, but it hurt like the dickens. And luckily, the bagel was survived. But I’ll spare you the photo. (I’m squeamish myself, so I don’t want to inflict any unwanted wound photos.)

And in the future, I will remember to buy pre-sliced bagels.

So in the span of about 10 days, I learned 3 lessons about what not to do in the kitchen. It’s starting off to be a stellar year!

The moral of these lessons is obviously that I should never be allowed in the kitchen. I really need either a personal chef or, better yet, a Star Trek food replicator to avoid future kitchen disasters.

What lessons have you learned so far this year? Share your 2019 lessons learned in the comments below.

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