The Naming of Things

You might have noticed that I tend to name inanimate objects. I have previously mentioned Frank, my FitbBit, in this post, and in this other post, I mentioned George, my beloved iMac, Sunny the wireless router (the network’s name is actually Sunnydale2Neptune – bonus points if you get the references), and Wilberforce, my work laptop (he’s a PC, not a Mac).

Up until recently, I never used their names in front of anyone. I thought I was weird (which is true) and felt that other people probably wouldn’t understand. I mean, hey, I know I’m quirky. I have a hard enough time finding people who truly “get” me, so I didn’t want to add to the challenge.

So for years, I simply called my things by name in the privacy of my own home (or car).

Then I read Daryenda Jones’s Charley Davidson series. (If you don’t know Daryenda Jones, then you’re missing out. Especially for those of you who love urban fantasy/paranormal. Go check out her Goodreads page here.)

In this series, Charlotte Jean “Charley” Davidson, part-time PI and full-time grim reaper, names her things. And not just inanimate objects, but food and body parts too. For instance, Charley calls her red jeep Misery and her boobs Danger and Will Robinson.

Charley Quote

(Other great things about the series: Charley has a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor that made me laugh out loud, and each chapter starts off with a funny quote. So many good reasons to read this series, including that I just love the concept of the series and the characters. But I digress.)

This series showed me I’m not the only one who names things. I have a sneaking suspicion that Ms. Jones may also do this or at least knows someone in real life who does. And for some reason, that made me feel better. (That’s the magic power of books.)

So getting back to me naming things. It may have started in childhood with naming my toys. I was particularly fond of stuffed animals, and everyone knows you must name your bears. And now as an adult, I find that it’s much more satisfying to yell at inanimate objects if they have a name (even when the actual problem is me, but I mean, c’mon, I’m not going to yell at myself.)

Which do you think is more fun:

1. Yelling at the GPS when it’s just a “GPS”


2. Yelling “Damn it Helen! You got me lost again!”

Seriously. Way more rewarding to yell when you’ve named your GPS.

And now since I’ve told you the names of Frank, George, Sunny, and Wilberforce, and now Helen, I thought I might share a few other items’ names with you.

  • my Silver Subaru is Sylvie – I like alliteration, plus, she just seems like a Sylvie. It’s true. Meet her and you’ll say, “yep, she’s a Sylvie.”
  • the Subaru’s GPS is Helen – As illustrated above, I will curse at Helen when she gets me lost. But I also thank her when she does a good job.
  • my iPhone is Philomena – Philomena is having a hard time holding a battery charge lately. It’s sad because I really like Philomena. She has all my favorite apps, and I don’t want to have to let her go.
  • my very comfy oversized chair is Benedict & the matching ottoman is Otto – I know, I know! Otto for an ottoman is too much like Mac for an iMac. But it just fit, okay?
  • my TV is Simon – I don’t know why.
  • my PS3 & PS4 are Garth and Wayne respectively and the controllers (one for each console) are Bill and Ted.

Like Charley, I like naming things. It’s fun and oddly satisfying. Besides, who doesn’t like fun?!

[Seriously, if you don’t like fun, well, then maybe you should go and reevaluate some life things.]

I even have fun with my pets’ names. My big orange cat is Theodore J. “Teddy” Fitzcatrick. Also known as TeddyBeans, TeddyCat, and when he’s feeling particularly kingly, the TeddyBeast.

You may adore me hooman. But not too close.

And my dog’s name is Dexter T. Doolittle. (Yes, Teddy and Dexter are about the same size, except Teddy has more fluff & stuff.) Dexter is also known as Lil’ D (his rap star name), Dextopolis, and WiggleButt.

No ears / EARS!

So now you know about my naming of things.

Have you named any objects in your life? Or do you know someone who does? Tell me in the comments below.


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